A Lovely Day for a Riot

by The Eastside Slashers

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The debut EP! Eight tracks rich in righteous fury, blistering criticism, and 11 essential vitamins and minerals. Good for what ails ya!

(NOTE: The bit about the vitamins and minerals is a lie.)


released December 29, 2018

Lefty Biggs: Guitar, lead vocals
Boffo Biggs: Bass, vocals
Octobriana: Drums, vocals

(...who all happen to be alter egos of C. Michael Hall, who also wrote all this crap.)


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The Eastside Slashers Portland, Oregon

Loud, bombastic, and packed with old-school, under-produced punk flavor! Attacking serious issues with a razor wit, Portland's Eastside Slashers champion the leftist resistance in song. (Sounds pretty fucking poetic, right?)

The Eastside Slashers is the brainchild of writer, artist, and musician C. Michael Hall, who writes and plays everything except where noted otherwise.
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Track Name: Murder Penis
My murder penis is loaded for bear/in compensation for my receding hair
My murder penis longs to unload/white male frustration has me fit to explode

Bang, bang, bang/Now you’re a man
Bang, bang, bang/Kill every last motherfucker you can
Bang, bang, bang/Don’t you feel strong
Bang, bang, bang/The barrel’s so long

My murder penis gives voice to my rage/a hail of bullets is the way I engage
My murder penis unleashes my fear/on every target I can see from up here


Lock and load (6x), fire off your motherfucking load
Track Name: Fuck Trump
Fuck Trump, fuck Pence/Organize for self-defense
Fuck Trump, fuck Pence/Organize for self-defense
Fuck Trump, fuck Pence/Organize for self-defense

The White House is a reality show/The dipshit king says: ”Go greed, go!”
Protect and serve is a thing of the past/His police state will kick your ass
Slam the door on anyone brown/If they’re already here, keep them down
Scream “Fake News” when you’re caught in a lie/While those Puerto Ricans die
Attack the press in a hateful screed/flood your fucking Twitter feed
A babbling fool, a moron born rich/The whole world knows you’re Putin’s bitch

(chorus repeat)

No discernable talent, should’ve been a fad/Your bankroll came from dear ol’ Dad
Rally the goons, empower the horde/Racist rhetoric has struck a chord
Modern-day Nazis praise your name/Because you shelter them from blame
They’ve made our cities into battlefields/With tiki torches, guns and shields
And after Trump leaves the world a wreck/A dead-eyed homophobe waits on deck
A theocrat and the attention whore/Let’s show these fucking pricks the door

(chorus repeat)
Track Name: Anthem: PDX '19
You’ll say we’ve gone too far/this fight is for you too
We’re here to brawl and bleed/so you won’t have to

Let’s burn this fucker down, it’s time for something new
We’re marching in the streets and soon we’ll come for you
Let’s take this city back from fascist boys in blue
We’ll spit through broken teeth and then we’ll break you too

We rise to meet the tide/to fight the old machine
The rich, the powers that be/Their crimes are obscene


Stand tall and raise your fist/We’ll fight back to back
Resist, answer the call/Good guys wear black
Track Name: Fuck Fox News
24/7 of hate and lies fuel the rage of fragile white guys
Hoodwinking humanity by peddling conspiracies
Change the channel, this’ll rot your brain; these rights wing twits are all insane
Fuck Fox News, Fuck Fox News, Fuck Fox News
Track Name: We've Come for Your Oil
This is my rifle/there are many like it/but this one’s mine
When you’re the hammer/the world’s a nail/this pump is primed
We’re Oscar Mike/we’re rolling thunder/it’s freedom time

We’ve come for your oil/We’ve come for your oil
Because every fucking soccer mom needs a 2-ton SUV
We’ve come for your oil/Now don’t you feel free?

With swinging dicks/we police the world/we bathe in blood
I was nothing special/’til they sent me here/Now I’m a stud
Hey, where’s my buddy?/Oh right, he’s dead/Killed by a scud

(chorus repeat; change “soccer mom” to “weekend dad”)

This is my wheelchair/there are many like it/but this one’s mine
Another gift/from my Uncle Sam/bullet in my spine
Did you see the news?/There’s a brand new war/it’s freedom time

(chorus repeat; change “soccer mom” to “’Murican”)
Track Name: Corporate Pigs Taste Delicious
Corporate pigs are malicious/They make the world their private sty
But corporate pigs taste delicious/Serve ‘em up like ham on rye
Corporate pigs are a cancer/They pad their accounts by theft
But corporate pigs taste delicious/We’ll eat them when there’s nothing left
Eat them all!
Track Name: Circle the Drain
The whole thing circles the drain/The party’s ‘bout to end
The system’s gone completely insane/They don’t comprehend
A circus where the monkeys reign/Have you noticed a trend?

This is the end of all things/We’re all fucked!

They tell what you see isn’t real/An alternative fact
Another lie in an ocean of bullshit/Engineered to distract
The whole thing circles the drain/How long ‘til we react?


The whole thing circles the drain/The ringmaster’s a clown
A lurching monster without any brain/It’s time to put it down
Track Name: Die, Nazi Scum
Tribes of frightened weaklings/Obsessed with ivory skin
The blight of rural America/We’ve got Nazis again

Die, Nazi Scum/Nobody wants you here
Die, Nazi Scum/We won’t bow down to fear

Beneath your simmering violence/Lies an impotent rage
Your fear of erasure drives your /Terrorist rampage

Die, Nazi Scum/You’re a public disgrace
Die, Nazi Scum/Fuck your “master race”

You live in fear of The Other/You’ve got a hard-on for hate
You’re fucking ridiculous/We’re all the same primate

(extra-special super-bonus mega-chorus)
Die, Nazi Scum/Nobody wants you here
Die, Nazi Scum/We won’t bow down to fear
Die, Nazi Scum/You’re a public disgrace
Die, Nazi Scum/Fuck your “master race”
Die, Nazi Scum/You bastards won’t survive
Die, Nazi Scum/It’s 1945!


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